The Cost of Love (and Why It’s Worth It)
Some classics are called just that because they leave a mark, they frame a worldview, they compel you and some change you fundamentally.
One such classic is the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. It’s not a story I read as a child unfortunately (or fortunately maybe) - it is one I read later in life (I can’t remember when exactly), but when I did read it - it resonated deep within me and it has become something that I reflect back on often. The story peeled back a layer that allowed me to see relationships with a tenderness that is beautifully poetic.
If you haven’t yet read the Velveteen Rabbit, now is probably a good time to stop reading this and get a copy (and no, this isn’t a paid collab - although maybe it should be). If you want the synopsis scroll down to the bottom (you can read a synopsis courtesy of ChatGPT) and then scroll right back to continue reading this.
Now, I am certain that you can pull out many lessons from the story, after all that's what classics are meant to do, make you think, reflect and reframe. Here’s one reflection that I recently had that I thought was worth penning (just for you).
I think that we are all either the Velveteen Rabbit or the Boy in the story. Reflecting on a past relationship and the process of “becoming real” for the stuffed rabbit, the story “hit me differently” recently. We enter new relationships brand new, fluffy, whiskers intact and bushy-tailed and we meet the boy/girl that we will belong to.
I once met the little boy I would belong to, I became his chosen companion, his best friend, I knew all his secrets, we played together, adventured together, got dirty together and sometimes we even fought together. But, I was chosen, I was loved and I was cherished, and as expected with all beloved things like the Velveteen Rabbit, I got worn in, lost my whiskers, lost my bushy tail and even lost a button eye.
As in life, things happen - or as they say - “life happens!!” What once served us doesn’t always do, depending on the season we find ourselves in. But despite the happenings of life - what we should never forget was that both the Boy and the Rabbit were in the process of “becoming real.” Although the boy got gravely sick in the story, he also got better (without having the rabbit close by), he got stronger, he got bigger. Here’s the kicker: sickness or not, the boy's growth was inevitable, he was going to outgrow the rabbit someday. The rabbit while being loved, chosen and played with softly some days and roughly on other days, was in fact, as the Skin Horse explains, “becoming real” which doesn’t happen all at once. It happens slowly, through being loved for a long time. It often involves wear and tear, but once you are Real, it doesn’t matter how you look.
If we are being honest and even practical - real rabbits need other real rabbits if they are to survive and thrive - because after all ‘like begets like’. The same applies for the Boy, he needs other boys and girls to kick a ball with, to play catch with or belly laugh with. Over time neither the boy nor the rabbit would have been able to completely fulfil what each needed. I couldn’t have stayed small without shrinking myself, and he couldn’t have stayed without outgrowing me.
I am not sure where you are in your journey of becoming - if you just found your “Boy” - I hope that you fully enjoy the process of being loved and worn in and I hope you live into this season with knowledge that this is a beautiful gift in your “becoming real.”
If, like in the story, you meet the “Boy” when you are already “Real” I hope you understand that this is how love works: it gives life, even if it changes the form of the relationship.
If we honour the relationships that came to us as part of our “becoming real”, we move through life with more joy, more grace, and far less regret.
We thank those who loved us into our real selves - even if we could not stay.
Because love that makes us real is never wasted.
That is the cost of love.
And it is always worth it!
**Written with so much gratitude and honour for all past relationships that have helped make me me!!
Synopsis: The Velveteen Rabbit
The Velveteen Rabbit tells the story of a small stuffed rabbit who longs to become Real.
The rabbit is given to a young boy as a Christmas gift but is initially overlooked in favour of newer, shinier toys. Over time, however, the boy begins to favour the rabbit. He takes him everywhere—sleeping with him, carrying him around, and loving him deeply. Through this constant companionship, the rabbit becomes worn: his fur thins, his whiskers fall out, and he no longer looks new.
One night, the rabbit asks the wise old Skin Horse what it means to be Real. The Skin Horse explains that becoming Real doesn’t happen all at once—it happens slowly, through being loved for a long time. It often involves wear and tear, but once you are Real, it doesn’t matter how you look.
Eventually, the boy falls ill with scarlet fever. After he recovers, the doctor orders that all his toys—including the Velveteen Rabbit—must be burned to prevent the spread of illness. The rabbit, devastated and alone, believes this is the end.
As he lies in the rubbish heap, a tear falls from his eye. From that tear, a fairy appears—the Nursery Magic Fairy. She tells him that because he was truly loved, he is now Real. She transforms him into a living rabbit, and he runs off into the forest.
Later, the boy—now healthy—sees a real rabbit in the woods. There is something familiar about it, though he can’t quite place why. The rabbit remembers the boy, but understands that this is how love works: it gives life, even if it changes the form of the relationship.
